A Mother's Love

“I think you’re really beginning to understand a mother’s love. I know you knew it but now you feel it as well.”

Those are the words that my mom texted to me a couple days into my hospital stay. It’s true – I’m feeling all sorts of new things that I never have before. It’s beautiful and scary all at the same time. Ten or so days ago when I was feeling worse physically than I ever have in my life, ALL I could pray was, “God, please wrap your hands around this baby girl & keep her safe from all of this. Don’t let her feel what I’m feeling now.”

Now, as I’m feeling much better, it’s amazing how every day I spend in this bed….every time all modesty escapes me during a bed bath from the nurse techs…..every time all humiliation sets up camp in the female urinals and/or the bedpan next to my bed…..every time I feel one more muscle fiber waste away (today marks day 15 that my feet haven’t touched the ground!)…..every time I realize that more food makes it onto my chest and belly than into my mouth as I attempt to eat in a reclined position ….every time I catch an glimpse of this unfortunate bed-head hair in a mirror…..the ONLY thing that truly matters is that my innocent baby is healthy, comfortable, and growing daily in my belly. Each day that I spend here is possibly one more day that she doesn’t have to spend here in the NICU or the nursery.

I believe that God puts this matchless love referred to as “a mother’s love” inside of each of us at just the right time. If He had accidentally missed me, or perhaps as a supplement to this natural feeling, I’m comfortable knowing that I’ve had a uncommonly wonderful teacher. I won’t even go into the things my mom has done for me since I’ve been in this hospital (that she probably thought she was done doing by the time I turned 1-year-old or so)….On top of that, I’m quite certain that on any given day she could’ve gotten no sleep, had some type of fender-bender on the way to the hospital, been diagnosed with some rare illness, spilled a hot drink all over herself, been bitten by a dog on the walk into the hospital, and more, but when she arrived in room 3040 she’d put on a smile and say, “Hey, how are you feeling? What can I do for you? Everything’s just fine with me!” and I’d never know what she’d been through that morning.

When I was a little girl in Sunday School at First Baptist Church Lake Jackson, I remember the teacher saying to us, “You know how much your parents love you? Well, Jesus loves you even more than that!” Just as if it were yesterday, I very clearly remember thinking, “Hmm, that’s a really nice thought, lady, but I don’t think you really know how much MY parents love me! I’m just not sure what you say is possible.” What a lucky girl I am that the concept my teacher spoke of was difficult for me to grasp.

Could I really be starting to feel myself pass on that same type of motherly love?